Being Pushed

I've had a bunch of random and not so random thoughts running through my head this past week. You're going to laugh, but I think reading all the crazy storm posts on FB from my California friends has made me miss "home". I do love that weather, as wacko as it might sound to some of you and we've been surprised by how much rain our area does NOT get. We have a lot of night time rain (in the middle of the night) but its extremely rare for us to get day time rain more than maybe once every couple of weeks. I love the rain, I love winter and I think its because all my life, I've lived in a drought state, that continually needs more rain.
Then I started catching this cold earlier this week and so since Tuesday I have not left the house. Been doing a lot of resting, reading, catching up on blogs and such. Its been nice, but I think its led me to feel very nostalgic and miss home.

I didn't have a ton of friends in Cali that I spent every day with or even every week with, but I had that handful of friends, plus my Mom, who were a huge part of my life. Just knowing I "could" see them if I wanted to and having some history with them, was so nice. Knowing I could completely be myself around them and know that my time with them would leave me feeling like we were iron, sharpening iron. Encouraging conversations, good laughs, fun time out together, seeing each other at church (with some of them) and weekly play dates. I miss all of that.

Last Sunday I was sitting in church before the service started, watching all these people shaking hands, saying hello, greeting one another with such love and kindness. I realized every Sunday I sit in my chair, waiting for the service to start, almost refusing to get up and meet new people. I know, its very odd.
I confessed to Jason that I think I'm doing it on purpose, but hadn't really realized it until then! I realized I was actually holding off from making new friends, for fear of officially "replacing" the old ones.
So as I've been home all week, stuck in the house, God has been graciously showing me where I need to let go, trust Him and know that just as He's always brought just the right people into our lives in the past, He will do it for us in the present and the future. And I know He will. I haven't doubted it for a minute... I'm just avoiding it.

Moving to Washington has been a great move for us. We've felt God's blessings 100% along the way. But its also been a time where we've been completely out of our comfort zone and been thrown into the real world, where we've just got the 5 of each other and we're starting over. That is fun and scary all at the same time. I know those of you who have been in these situations will know exactly what I'm talking about. Another thing God showed me was, even though its great that I'm happy being here with my husband and kids, isolation isn't healthy or good for any of us. Our kids are eager to make new friends. Its not fair for me to sort of push them into this isolation booth with me, where we're not allowing new people into our lives, for fear of finally saying good bye to the old ones. Ethan and Rachel will always remember their close friends; the ones that meant the most to them and the ones that became like family with us. They will never forget their cousins or Grandparents, no matter who they meet along the way.

We joined a MOMS club when we first moved here and that's been a great way to jump into our social life here. I've met about 4 moms from that group that I think I really hit it off with, but its hard. I'm starting from square one... and I hate starting from square one. I love knowing the person knows me, my family, my extended family, my church family, my history and so on. Its weird "starting over". But its exciting too. So I'm doing my best to find the excitement and enjoyment in it and letting God do the rest.
Its been fun meeting some new families that have never been to church and have rarely (if ever) had the gospel shared with them. I love to see how God is growing me in that area.

I guess this blog post is more of me asking you to pray for me... I really want to and really need to get out and start living life the way we used to in California. I need to let go of some of these emotions that almost have me crippled and stop making my kids feel like its just the 5 of us, banding together from here on out. They need a social life, just as much as I do. They need that interaction with other kids on a weekly basis and they need to feel normal again. They're young and so they rarely complain about it, but when I ask them what the miss back in California, they never say they miss their old house, or the old parks, or the places we used to go.... they miss people and they miss doing things with people.
So these next few weeks I am going to purpose to get out of that chair on Sunday morning, to greet people, introduce myself, go and say hello to the nice people that have said hello to me in weeks past and to get out and socialize more. And you can hold me to it, now that you know :)
Its amazing what we can "hide" on a blog. I want to be real and open with you though (yes, even those of you I don't even know read this) and maybe God will use stuff I'm saying to encourage or lift you up in some way. We never know... but I mostly could really use the encouragement in just knowing that you'll pray.

I am very happy we moved here- I love the life God has begun for us here and I am really excited to see what He does with it in the years to come. So I want to make the most of it and not look back with any regrets.

Thanks,