3.22.2008

Reflecting

I just read my sister's blog post and immediately felt compelled to write one of my own, on a similar subject.
In her post, she talked about not wanting to go to their Good Friday service because the week had already been so stressful and crazy; Friday seemed like the best night to relax. After going, she felt guilty that it was the last place she wanted to be, but God used it all for good.
I've had very similar situations to hers, but kind of in reverse; feeling so sorry for myself because I can't seem to get well and for me, life has been on hold for 2 1/2 months. I was sick with morning sickness the end of January, through February and am finally over it, only to be sick with this virus/head cold that I cannot seem to shake. Because of these things, my life has literally come to a halt. I spend my days with the kids, away from people as much as possible, thankfully my Mom lives close and doesn't mind my germs, and trying to rest as much as I can. If any of you know me well, that is like being in prison for me. Haven't been to my Bible studies in over a month, play dates, park days, etc... I could go on, but the point of this post isn't to complain :)

This weekend is Easter/Resurrection Day weekend and this afternoon I found myself totally complaining and feeling so pathetically sorry for myself -- "Maybe I should just stay home from church (again), maybe I shouldn't even go to my parents' house to celebrate, just stay home, in bed... again." Jason didn't reply to my whining, which is usually a sign that he's disgusted with me, but wants me to get there on my own.
After I read my sister's post, it hit me. Yes, yes, I'm emotional these days, so the tears began falling and my apologies (first to God) and then to my husband came pouring out. I've been short with both of them, snappy and having this "woe is me" attitude as often as possible, to get as much sympathy as possible. This is embarrassing to write, but I'm getting to my point.

I stopped and realized "Great. You're sick. You've been sick for a while and your fun life has come a bit of a halt. You suddenly have nothing to be thankful for?! Get over yourself. Shake it off, knock it off and give thanks to God for the blessings He has given... starting first with your saving relationship with Him, that will be spent throughout eternity. Hmmm... that should be enough to keep me thankful through any circumstances, right?! Yes right."
And so, I stopped and began singing praises, literally. Went through every verse I know that has to do with being thankful, wrote them down, wrote out my favorite song of all time and then sang it to myself "Jesus, Thank You!" The chorus is amazing...

Your blood has washed away my sin, Jesus thank You. Your Father's wrath completely satisfied, Jesus thank You! Once your enemy, now seated at Your table... Jesus thank You!"

I admit, when I'm having a naval gazing day, I sing that chorus to myself and get my brain readjusted. :)

And so I gave thanks to God for literally every blessing I could think of and yes, it did take a while but was totally worth it.
I am so thankful for this wonderful holiday we celebrate tomorrow! I am forever thankful to God for dying on the cross for my sin, raising from the dead on the 3rd day, so that I might have His free gift of eternal life with Him and for blessing my life in the way He has. I was reminded by a couple verses that I read that life here on earth is purposely unpleasant at times. Its purposely often times full of trials and pitfalls and sadness and not always joy and happiness. If it weren't, would any of us long for Heaven?

So, I hope you all have a blessed Easter tomorrow and enjoy reflecting on the goodness of God... no matter what your circumstances are.

Amber, thank you for the post. God knew it was just what I needed. <3

3 {comments}:

jillyco said...

Amen Stef! I totally relate; but God is good to bring Himself to us, when we are looking inward instead of up! Hope your day was especially blessed today!

aMbEr said...

Thanks for the nice words. It's so amazing how sometimes reading others very truthful thoughts can cause you to reflect on things you need to deal with but often don't. I like you find myself having those same self pity parties. Glad to hear I'm not the only one to do that (not that it excuses it or anything). Hope you're feeling better soon!

Stef said...

Yeah... its often hard to admit things like that, but you all know I'm not perfect. ;)

Hope you both had a great Easter!!

 

Blog Template by YummyLolly.com