I want to be more like Jesus.

Have you ever thought that? I have... lots of times. For me, just thinking about something can often times help me follow through. Its why I get so frustrated when I realize I spent my day with "empty thoughts". You know, those thoughts that lead to nothing but worry, frustrations, past or present issues that are out of your control, etc... ? Days that like feel wasted.

Being a Mom to 3 kids, under the age of 5 keeps me busy and often times can feel overwhelming. But even in those overwhelming moments, I can still think of so many reasons I am thankful. And for me, thinking positively and meditating on God's richest blessings and continual goodness to me, puts me in a good place, Spiritually and emotionally.

When I meet people at the park or in the stores and they make comments about how close my kids are in age, or they look worried and concerned, like maybe the idea of birth control is something that's never been explained to us, or they even say things like "you're not going to have more are you?" and I'm left wondering if they think we're going to ask them to raise and feed our kids (otherwise, why do they care so much?) I wonder if the smile on my face and the bounce in my voice, with an answer of "Oh, I just consider myself very blessed. I'm enjoying this time of life!" -- I wonder if they walk away and think "yeah right - she is SO phony."
I'm sad to think some people do. I'm sad because I wish they'd see that smile and understand the "bounce" as God's love and His joy and peace overflowing out of me.

I don't always have time to stop and witness (actually, lately I feel like I rarely do) so I'm always hopeful that my attitude and countenance will speak volumes. Today I realized that the people it will speak the loudest to, are my 3 small kids. They're the ones that see if I'm being phony or not. They're the ones that live behind closed doors with me and get to see "the good, the bad and the ugly", as they say. What a bad witness I'll be to them if out in public I seem so joyful and so happy, but at home, the littlest thing annoys me, the smallest frustration sets me into a tizzy, or my attitude towards their Daddy is less than attractive.

Today in the car Rachel announced "I want to love God the way Mommy does." So I asked her "How do I show you that I love God?" and she said "Um, you pray to Him, you sing to Him and you talk about Him to me and Efan." I smiled and thought "thanks, Lord... I'm doing something right." :) Then Ethan chimed in with "Sometimes, when you're not in a good mood, you don't act very much like someone who obeys God." And then I froze. I was stunned. Driving along the freeway I was searching for what to reply with (its so easy to reply when someone pays you a nice compliment). About 3 minutes passed and all I could say was, "I'm so sorry, buddy."
We arrived back at home and walked into the house and I felt the need to talk about it further... because talking is what I do best. :-\

So I sat E&R down and basically told them what I'm writing in this post. I explained to them that I'm not perfect, but also explained that saying that you're not perfect is never an excuse to use for sin. Its never a reply to give to someone when they point out an area that needs fixing in your life. Its never a reason to be ungodly. I very simply explained what Sanctification means and how I'm so thankful God created it :)

It was after that talk that I realized, once again, my biggest ministry and my highest impact is right here, in the walls of my own home; reaching to the hearts of my kids. What an amazing ministry God gives us Moms! I feel so privileged and so overwhelmed all at the same time. When I remember that God knows my every weakness and understands my limitations, then I'm not so overwhelmed.

I'm a sinner, saved by grace, raising up 3 little sinners that need to see the love of God lived out in their Mom's life. Everyday counts and its the little things that count.