at the risk of great controversy

** this post is just way too long and I am giving major props to those of you who've already read it or chose to. I hope I'd do the same for you.

I finally (finally) watched the netflix movie, The Business of Being Born. Its about time, I know.

I wanted to have the time to sit down, take notes and really be able to pay attention to the information given and do the movie some justice. I've heard very negative feedback on this movie and very positive feedback and then some feedback that's sort of... somewhere in the middle.

I also have no qualms admitting that I was actually afraid to watch, for fear of being either totally turned off by it (thinking it might be a very exaggerated view point) or for fear of being so turned off and unhappy with hospitals, OB's and surgeons, that having another child in a hospital would terrify me.

I am happy to report that the movie is very well done, very informative and very educational! Which one of us doesn't want to learn? Which one of you ladies doesn't really want to know how to better birth your babies? You'd think I'd be interested in meeting the ones that say "I don't!" but I have no interest. To me, you are ignorant and selfish. Blunt? Sure. But so are the ladies that act like understanding your own body, your baby's body and both of your needs is a bad thing.
I don't think the movie at all expresses that across the board, all Dr's, OB's and hospitals are evil. I think they're only making the point that women are being fooled into believing they can't and even shouldn't try for an all natural birthing experience.

I was very impressed with how many times the people in this video pointed out that there is nothing wrong with OB's. There is nothing wrong with hospitals and there is nothing wrong with C-sections, inductions and other such intravenous methods... as long as they are absolutely necessary. That's very key there. I cannot tell you how many women I meet these days that act like having their baby is no different from scheduling a teeth cleaning with their dentist.

They get very annoyed at the thought of "being bothered" with the spontaneity of natural birth and are continually making comments about how this child is not going to inconvenience our daily schedule. The people in the movie point out (more than once) that we are just too reliant upon our Dr's and we give up having the best experience we can have. My opinion? Because we're uneducated and we swallow the stupid pill hospitals started handing out years ago. The "shut up and do whatever your Dr. tells you to do" pill. I'm the first to admit, I've taken that pill more than once, only to later on, realize I am the mother of my own children and I am responsible for them until they're able to take care of themselves. I'm not a fan of "whatever's easiest is best for my family!" if you are a fan of that mentality, please stop reading now - you won't like the rest of this post.

Jason and I had one of the best hospital birth experiences we could imagine, with Kara. We were very thankful for the staff at the hospital where she was born (Kaiser) and very thankful that most of our birth plans and wishes were met, with very little to no arguments. We had one nurse that wanted to interrupt me with stupid paperwork right smack in the middle of contractions. She became very upset when Jason dared to act like he had any say or right to my life or the life of our unborn baby. She was quickly sent to a different room and we got a nurse that was much more to our liking. I was however, completely shocked at the amount of nurses, OB's and even midwives that were popping into our room to have a look at "the woman who's going at it 100% naturally!" I felt like a celebrity and in a very strange way. At one point I looked up at my midwife and asked "Is it really that uncommon?!" She laughed and told me that in the 12 months their hospital location had been open, they've had one other woman go all natural and it was only because she walked in with a baby coming out and had no time for drugs. ONE woman. Is that scary to you? It was to me.

**I have to stop here and say that I have a hard time understanding and respecting people that want to go at birth in an all natural way and yet they take not one single class. They go into it with a very prideful attitude. Its one thing to say that your body was created to do this, but its another to act like you know everything about it. As a mother, you have motherly instincts for sure... but which one of you doesn't want to take a newborn class or to just simply ask a lot of questions and learn as you go? Seems like whenever I hear about a woman trying to have her home birth and then it goes awry... 9 times out f 10 I hear that she and her husband didn't take one class. I'm not sure what to say to those women other than "were you trying to set yourself up for disappointment?!" Jason and I did this with Ethan. I took a nursing class and we took a newborn care class, but just decided that birthing classes were dumb. We had the attitude of "my body will know what to do and when it doesn't, the Dr's can tell us." This is why I don't sit around bashing my OB and Dr's with Ethan's labor and delivery. 99% of my experience, I believe was my fault. I was an unprepared mother and so what do you expect? An unprepared birth. You got it.

The best argument I hear nowadays is that some families have had high risk pregnancies and high risk labors and deliveries and so for them, they can't imagine the Dr's and hospitals not being there. I appreciated in the BOBB (Business of Being Born) movie, none of the people actually put down hospitals or said they're not needed. None of them said that. They do say, over and over again, how the importance for Dr's and surgeons during labor and delivery is very exaggerated in the US. To the point where "women are being taught and brain washed into thinking their bodies cannot handle their own baby's births." That is sad. Especially for Christian women who go their whole pregnancy believing that God is One knitting and molding that little being. Why would He disappear come D day?!

I'm hearing a lot of people talk about inductions these days and when you get down to the bottom of it, their main reason is "I'm sick of being pregnant. I'm uncomfortable and lets face it, this baby is done cooking, so he/she can get out." Nice attitude.

When I was about 7 months pregnant with Kara, I was at the park with my 2 older kids and a lady came over and asked me when I was due. I told her that I had about 2 months to go and she asked about my other pregnancies; was I on time, how did my labor and deliveries go, etc... half way through our conversation, she realized that I was aiming to go all natural with Kara's birth.

Let me stop here and say that I think it is down right hysterical (in a bad way) how people think WE are the outspoken, rude people, because we dare to say we're trying to have our babies without the use of drugs, surgery or induction. Apparently that's rude, cold hearted and even unloving to say to someone who doesn't agree with you. However, those same ladies (and sometimes their husbands) will get right in your face and use the rest of your visit to point out how crazy you are and to quickly put you in your place; explaining the joys of going into a Hospital on the day and time of your choosing, laying in the bed in complete comfort, watching the daytime shows you can't live without (all the while, cursing your unborn child for taking so long to "pop" out) and making sure they look totally beautiful for the hour their baby decides to be born... or for when the Dr. delivers the apparently shocking news that the "baby is just not wanting to come out" so you're now being wheeled into surgery. Bad, bad baby. You see where I'm going with this? Those same ladies will sit at parks and play dates, blaming their poor child for being the reason they were unable to give them a healthy and natural delivery.

I sit there in total shock when they start "preaching" to me about the horribleness that is all natural labor and deliveries. My favorite ladies are the ones that belong to the HHCMLSB club. Never heard of it? I'm sure you have. Its the How Horrible Can My Labor Story Be club. Believe me... its quite popular. They just love acting like they were the only ones being faced with a labor that was actually painful, long in duration and at times, hard to handle! Amazing, I know. When you meet one, you'll understand what I'm talking about. They're the ones that, no matter what you say about your experience, they can top it. They will always end their story with "anyone who actually wants to put themselves through that misery can be my guest. I'm way smarter than that now!" Oh, good for you. I'll come visit you in your high seat in Heaven someday.

While I know some of you (maybe many of you) have no other choice but to have C-sections or labors with Dr. supervision there with you, please do not think I'm putting you down, calling you a wimp, or even insinuating that I think you didn't get the full birth experience that you could have had. I think we get the experience we give ourselves. I've known ladies that have no other choice but to have c-sections and they've done a marvelous job making it a wonderful experience for them, their husband and their baby. I think your birthing experience is what you make it. That's the whole point of this movie. Its why I liked it so much. Women are just being reminded that most of the time, their bodies were made for this and they know exactly what to do.

With Kara's birth, Jason and I told our midwife that we did not want her checking us every hour, like they did with Ethan and Rachel. I'm not sure what that benefits, other than making you feel like the clock is ticking and yes, you still aren't holding your baby in your arms.

I was checked upon arrival and when they told me I was only 3 Cms dilated, I was encouraged to go walk the halls, in the hopes of getting further along, thus being able to have an all natural birth, like we wanted. I was checked a 2nd time before being admitted, when we realized I had gone from 3-6 1/2 Cms in one hour. Yay! After that, she checked me when I was in a lot of pain and felt the need to push, but still felt like the baby was too high up (this is before we knew Kara was coming out posterior.) I was about 8 Cms at that point and she never checked me again.

Our other request was for them to not tell me when it was time to push, no counting during pushing and hands off while I was pushing. After we told the midwife these requests she said, with a laugh "AH! so you're the couple that understands your body actually knows what to do??!" I was very pleased that she complied to our request and the only time she was "hands on" was when Kara was coming out and she realized her presentation was causing some problems. Even then, she allowed my body and Kara's body to figure things out - didn't use "tools" or whisk me away into surgery. We did have a Dr. in the doorway, however, barking about how I had "10 more minutes and then they were going to give me a C-section." That woman made it her goal to act like Jason and I were baby killers, who needed to be reported to CPS as soon as possible. So sad.

I'm going off on a lot of tangents here (no worries... I am actually aware that I do that) and I know that this topic can get very, heated. I don't want to post this to make any of you feel badly about your experience. I do, however, want to challenge those of you who've not seen the movie -- especially those of you who fit the description of the lady I met at the park (see above) to step back and really reconsider some of the rude things you say to women who have chosen to give their babies the very best birth experience they can. I know saying its the "best birth experience" it was annoys most of you, but I can't really say it any other way. Obviously it is the best. If our Dr. had other options for Ethan and Kara's ears, instead of having surgery and tubes put in, believe me... we would have taken option #2

Whenever there is added risk involved with medications, surgery, induction, etc... obviously the better option is to not have those, right? if you have a headache, is the best option to take Tylenol to mask the pain? Or would you agree that drinking some water and resting would be your first choice? Sometimes that doesn't work and so you opt for meds. Just because they don't kill our babies, doesn't then make it the best option. And in case some of you don't know my history, let me put your mind at ease... Our first and 2nd born children were brought into this world with the help of an epidural. So rest assured, I'm in both sides of the camp.

I guess my biggest beef with some people is that they think its okay to put down natural birth (I assume its only because they've chosen not to have them) and yet they get so upset when we stick up for the benefits to having an all natural birth.

If you don't like it, then don't bash the other side. Maybe they don't like it either.

I had the awesome privilege of attending my friend's at home delivery back in July and I was... pleasantly surprised. Jason and I considered doing an at home birth with Kara, but for various personal reasons, opted not to.

I went to my friend's house very excited to see how home births went, but very convinced that I would leave, realizing how much safer a hospital birth actually is. I was fully expecting to come home and tell Jason "I'm glad it worked for them... but its not something I'd ever subject myself to." One thing I've heard over and over is "home births are fine if your baby is totally healthy, but babies die in home births more often than hospital births, because a Dr. isn't there to check them out after they're born." That statistic is first of all, not true at all. Most complicated births are brought on by complications that are brought on by medical intervention. Wrap your mind around that. Most... not all.

I came away from my friend's home birth, realizing how very safe and actually how very hands on they are. I don't mean hands on in the same way you'd see in a hospital, but rather, seeing that one midwife (and her staff) sitting their in your home, devoting all their time and energy to you. How much better could it be?! I remember when I was in labor with Rachel - I was thrilled to be handling the pain so well, I had a good system going, where I knew just what to do during contractions and then just what to do to ease the pain in the middle of the contractions. I was 8 cms dilated and doing great; ready to welcome our first little baby girl into the world! My OB came in and checked me and let me know how marvelous I was doing, but then said she had looked over my medical records and noticed that I had a very difficult labor and delivery with Ethan, our first. She told me that she thought it would be a great idea for me to "suck it up and just get an epidural now, rather than waiting so many hours and then having to cave in". She reassured me that, even though my labor with Rachel was going well, there was still "a long haul" ahead of us. I got the epidural and then they told me to stay put and rest for another hour or so. Here's the kicker... moments after Rachel's birth, my OB started telling me how she's so glad I took the epidural and was able to stay put and rest for a while, because she was down the hall delivering twins, via c-section. I laid there in the bed, holding Rachel (numb from the waist down, with a catheter in side of me and feeling quite nauseous and miserable) thinking "oh, great... I had those expensive, possibly dangerous drugs put into me so YOU could clear up your schedule and not feel rushed?" Wow. If this isn't a business, I don't know what is.

I was also very impressed with my friend's at home birth, after her baby was born. To see the very close and careful care her little baby received was... amazing. I was in awe of how much attention that little girl was shown. The midwife was very clued in and was sure to monitor her every breath, every movement, saving her cord blood, taking measurements, getting a good read on her heart, her lungs and overall color of her body. She was able to just sit there at the edge of the bed, watch baby nurse for the first time, see how mom was doing and handling the afterbirth and then stepped out to give the family some alone time. I went out into the kitchen with her, where I sat and watched her study the placenta that the baby had been living in, and let me tell you, she studied it like it was her final exam for a college course. I've never seen anyone give the placenta such careful examination. She and her helpers discussed how the labor and delivery went, they tested the baby's blood, kept records of everything and then I know they continue coming back to your home days and weeks after baby's birth, for more check-ups. I remember thinking "wow... I've never gotten this much positive attention in any of my births!" I only got attention during my labor and deliveries when I was A.) taking too long and annoying the crap out of the staff or B.) getting ready to push.
I really felt like my mind was changed on the matter of "is a home birth safe or not". I think in some ways, it can be safer than a hospital birth. Obviously not if you have complications and I understand that sometimes, you just don't know until you're in labor. For us, this is the reason Jason especially feels more comfortable having our babies in a hospital. His fear is always that something might happen in the midst of active labor and then you run the risk of needing to be in a hospital and possibly mother or baby dying in transit. Its a fear we've both had and so for us, we made sure with Kara's birth to have our birth plan written out and to be in as much control of the process as possible. Every couple has to come to their own decisions and be comfortable and happy with whatever decision they come to. It should never be forced on you, because when labor sets in, you want to be as comfortable and content in the situation you're in.

My OB was telling me that 90% of C-section deliveries are due to the mother getting drugs too early in labor, slowing things down and putting her own baby at high risk. She told me that its always been sad to her, because they go in with a very healthy baby and often come out with a baby in danger, due to their poor choices. This is an OB at Kaiser, who delivers more than 8 babies a day. That was hard to swallow.

Remember, my point in all of this is not to point out that some of you are wimpish. I don't think that at all. I do think some of you "modern medicine ladies" have negative, rude attitudes toward the amazing miracle of an all natural birth. Its not for you? That's fine. But why act so religiously apposed to women allowing their bodies to handle something it was created to handle? Again I would say, take your issues up with God.

I've noticed in the past 5+ years that the women who are all natural birth advocates are NOT the ones who ask "did she get an epidural?" after they hear someone has had her baby. I used to think they were the judgmental, totally invading personal space people. Instead I've found, its the pushy, negative people who think everything must be done the exact way they've done it.

They ask right away and if they hear "no, she was able to go drug free!" they frown and snicker and thus ensues a long (and heated) conversation about how utterly ridiculous that is. Implying the mother of that baby was really out to harm her own child. Go figure. Quite frankly, its an argument I've never been able to understand - even back in the day when I couldn't fathom delivering a baby without any drugs.

In closing, I just want to say that I think the world of women who do their best to have a healthy pregnancy, who spend 9 months making a good, safe environment for their little one. Some of you have had high risk pregnancies and I have watched and admired the way that you educated yourselves on knowing what the best course of action was for you and baby - to see how well informed you became and how you were able to care for your little one, either for the short time you had them or for the lifetime of Dr's visits, sleepless nights, worrying, waiting and wondering. You guys have my utmost respect and I watch you in awe.

I am not a hospital hater or a person who wishes Dr's and OB's would be put out to pasture. Not at all. I do however, think the mainstream attitude toward a God given ability, needs to change - starting in the church. I hope, if you haven't yet watched the movie, that you'll give it a go. Have an open mind before watching it - be willing to admit that God does know what he's doing and Dr's don't keep the world spinning round and round. If you can't do that... don't waste your time watching.

This is one of those subjects that could be hashed out for hours and hours, so I won't continue to bore you. I imagine if you've read this far, its because this is something you take an interest in. Otherwise you've probably given up after the first paragraph.

I'd love to hear comments on the subject and please remember that I've not said in any of this post that women who don't chose an all natural labor are doing it "the wrong way." Again, my point has been that I think the movie is only trying to prove to women that we "can" and should be able to feel free and welcome to have our babies in the atmosphere and way we chose.

I went back and forth about even posting this, but decided to just do it. Mostly because I was really avoiding this DVD and now I'm wondering how many of you have done the same.

For those of you who read this and then find humor and joy in pointing out that I have strong opinions on the matter... I'll do that for you now. Yes, I do. And so do you :)