Its long, but I hope its worth the read!

I was sharing some of this with my sister the other day and decided to blog about it. It helps me when I can write my thoughts down and then mull over them. I'm hoping this post is encouraging, if not thought provoking and, I love being encouraged by you all and I know you'll have encouraging feedback for me :)

I'm just going to jump right in... I'm not sure if its the move or not, but my relationship with God seemed to be at such an odd place this past month or so. Being in God's family sometimes feels very similar to being in an earthly family. Sometimes we actually tire of being around each other; we grow too familiar and complacent and feel like we need space. The only thing is, when you get space from God... it doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Not that I told myself I needed space from God - do we ever actually admit that? And, God never tires of me or says He needs space from me. Knowing this, I began to dig deeper.

I think for me, its just an over all attitude. I read one chapter and close the Bible, pray the quickest prayer possible; explaining to God that I have such little time for Him. But then we moved to Washington and we suddenly had way more time than we did in California. And yet still... I felt like every morning when I got my Bible out, sat down and asked the Lord to teach me new things, to reveal Himself to me in new ways and to show me even those hidden sins of my heart that I might not know about... it all felt fake. I struggled, feeling like it was all a show for God and not sincere. I have no idea why. It worried me greatly - why was I feeling like a hypocrite every time I sat down to read my Bible, work on a memory verse, or meditate on scripture?!

I was talking to a lady at church on Sunday and we quickly got on the subject of "how are things between you and God?" and when I told her all of this, she replied with "that's because life is good right now! You need to remember even in the good times, of full and plenty, to remember your Creator and give Him all thanks and praise for what HE is doing in your life."

At first I thought "No... I don't think that's it. I just moved 2 states away from the life I've always known, our kids were sick for 3 1/2 weeks and I was turning into a hermit in my own home. My husband's car still hasn't shipped from CA, so we've been living with only one car for the past month and we just now, finally, found a church we actually like and are excited about going to" (in Washington, I mean. We loved our church in Cali).

So I said all that to her and she said "well, are you wallowing then? have you been too consumed with the bad stuff to focus on the good? have you thanked God for the family and friends you left in California? Have you thanked Him for your husband's car? Have you thanked Him for your kid's good health?"

~BLING~ *the light goes on*

The next day I sat with my Bible, getting ready to open and read, but then decided to keep it closed. I realized God and I had a lot of talking we needed to do first. My mind has been so full lately - so full of old memories and emotions of leaving them behind, so full of excitement and anticipation of moving to a new place, so full of the excitement and journey of actually moving; setting up home and starting our lives here. So full of meeting new friends, keeping in contact with the "old" friends, missing family, and so on. So full of stuff going on in my head, I've been a mental mess when I go to have my quiet time with God. I'm physically being quiet and still, but mentally, there's a carnival going on in my brain! Its been a very busy and emotional summer and I haven't stopped long enough to actually TALK to God about it.

It was then that I realized, I haven't really told God all of this! I pray for these things; "keep my friends/family back home safe, faithful to You, steadfast. Help our kids to be healthy, rid of these sicknesses and able to grow and flourish. Guide Jase and me as a couple; help us to follow the straight path, to teach our children Your Word, Your commands, Your precepts. Give us more of Your love to show to others. Keep our fear of feeling "uncool" in the eyes of the world far away - keep Yourself at the front of our eyes. Helps us to see You when we see those in need." I was praying for all the things on my mind... but not telling God about them. Does that make sense? For me, there's a huge difference. And yes, I know He already knows what's going on in my head, but I still need to tell Him about it! Just because we often know our child did something they shouldn't have, or is struggling with a friend, with a subject in school, or whatever, doesn't mean we don't want them to come to us so we can talk with them, pray with them and love on them. God wants to do that with me! He wants me to cast all my cares on Him, because He cares for me.

I suddenly realized the reason I was feeling "fake" when I came to spend time with God, was because I was treating Him more like a gene in a bottle, than my loving, tender, caring Heavenly Father. I was acting more like He a check mark on a to-do list. He could care less to hear my "wish list" of petitions and even the things I'm thankful for. He wants to hear my heart first. He delights in hearing the things we need, hope for and even want. He does. But He wants me to really talk with Him; to let Him know how I'm doing, what I'm feeling, what I desire to do, who I desire to be, and to also stop and listen to Him speak to me.

Its always helped me to view my relationship with God in a similar way that I view my relationship with Jase. When we were dating/engaged, it really hit me - the love we feel for someone we meet, get to know, fall in love with and give our lives to. My "job" as a wife is to cultivate my end of our relationship; to bring nurture, love, faithfulness, care, genuineness and passion. To be the shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen, the mouth to give encouragement and faithful rebuke. I'm not his wife to simply take his love, his goodness to me, his hard work, his care, his faithfulness and just enjoy it and walk away; popping in whenever something devastating happens, or when I'm having a downer of a day. I'm not sure any spouse would hang around very long if that were the way he/she were being treated.

And so this month -- the month we tend to focus on what we're thankful for... I am finding that I am most thankful for the gift of Salvation. I am most thankful for my Savior's love for me. His patience, His goodness, His perfect timing in all situations. The way He gets my attention through people, books, music, nature and most often, through my husband. I'm thankful that I live in a country where I can hear such strong, true to God's Word and passionate sermons preached. Where I can be encouraged each week to look upward and not inward. To use the life God has given me to serve others. To sing praises to Him and Worship Him in His House - as loud as I want, with my hands lifted high. I don't have to Worship in secret, fearful of being taken off to prison. I'm thankful that I can take those moments with God and be as real as I possibly can. God already knows the real me; no need to fake it and pretend I'm better or holier than I am. That attitude is going to make my time with Him and His people, fake, annoying, frustrating and something I will eventually want to avoid.

So this Thanksgiving, along with being thankful for all the "typical" things and people we give thanks for - the most wonderful gift I am thankful for is Salvation.

Thank You, Lord for giving your Holy Spirit to convict, for bringing people alongside to encourage and for Your righteousness, faithfulness and goodness to me, every moment of my life!

Happy Thanksgiving blogspot friends! I am very thankful for each one of you.