7.23.2010

WARNING: Sarcasm ahead!!

Please proceed with caution, especially if you don't typically enjoy a little {or a lot} of sarcasm.
Don't say I didn't warn you....

Yes, I know I have 3 small kids, thanks for letting me know. I can see how you think it would be easy for me to forget.

Yes, I know that sometimes in the store I seem like my brain is being pulled 5 million different directions. Again, thanks for pointing that out, it might be something I'd forget.

Yes, I know that to you, my life looks like I've lost my identity to my husband, kids and home. My identity is in Christ, so you have nothing to worry about.

Yes, we actually DO want more children and hope these 3 aren't "it" for us. We will be thankful for these three if its all God give us though. We will soak up their childhoods and relish every moment we have with them.

I do know this is a bigger gap between babies for us. Again, if you hadn't said anything, I may never have known! However, please remember that a 22 month old isn't the same as a 5 or 10 year old. Just sayin'....

Yes, I know that sometimes I show up late for things and sure, it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm feeding, bathing and dressing 3 smaller kids. Be thankful I showed up at all.

I know that leaving my cart at the store, in order to take my 3 naughty, disobedient children to the bathroom or the car to correct and train them isn't really making your day, but I have to do something to make sure they don't grow up acting like the untrained, out of touch, completely clueless adults you seem to think they'll become. Cut me some slack, please.

I actually do consider my children's conception and births to be quite miraculous and understand that apart from God's will, they would never be here. I actually do consider them 3 incredible blessings from God, even though my pregnancies and their births were "standard" and healthy.
Being told that I "pop" out babies without a second thought or remote amount of thankfulness actually IS quite offensive to me. Shocking, I know.

Yes, I'm well aware that I use the "s" word in my vocabulary and even consider it a joy. {s word = submit}

Yes, I understand that because my husband and I choose not to use birth control, the chances of us "popping out" 15+ kids in 15 years is very likely. Weird how it hasn't happened yet though....

You're right! I do interact with and converse well with adults and peers my own age, even though I was home schooled. Thanks for pointing that out - and I'm sure your insults mean a lot to my Mom as well.

I do understand that home schooling my own children will mean a lot of sacrifice on my part in the next 10+ years, thanks. I actually do think these things through.

No, I don't go to church with my family every Sunday for fear of slipping into hell if I miss a week.
Thanks for reminding me on a weekly basis that "slipping into Hell" won't happen if I don't do certain things on a check-off list for God.

Yes! I drive a mini van and I still seem like a very happy and content wife/mommy! I think I just saw a pig fly across the sky, by the way.

Yes, I understand that moving out of state from both our families means my kids cannot see their Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles at a moment's notice. And yet, we seem to be surviving! I guess my kids can thrive away from extended family. Who knew?!

Yes, I do get a kick out of the fact that you, a total stranger, likes to pull me aside and give me "life altering" advice about my life, even though we've never met. I understand I'm a "type" to you and you think I need to be fixed. Thanks for that.

Oh, and thanks for stopping to stare and gawk at me as my 5 year old son throws a temper tantrum on the way to the car. It really encourages me and makes me feel less like a failure of a mom to him.

Yes, I know this list will greatly shock some and repulse others. I know some of you won't understand I'm saying all these things completely tongue in cheek, that I really don't feel that bothered by most of these comments, but knew this would be a post that many stay-at-home moms would totally connect with. This isn't a post with silent jabs at my readers - none of you have ever made these comments to me and this isn't my way to "get back at you" through a blog post. So rest assured, if you thought any of this was funny or something you could relate to, that's all it was intended to be.

I guess I should end with....  Yes, I know I can be very sassy and obnoxious. You must like those qualities quirks in me or you wouldn't be on here reading my blog ;-)

Thank you, fellow person I run into while I'm out and about each day. You've given me much to laugh about over the past 5+ years of being a Mommy. Without you, I'd have nothing to sit at home and make jokes about. Someday when my children are capable, happy, well adjusted adults, I think I will have you to thank for it all.

21 {comments}:

laura g. said...

hahhahaha!

"Yes, I know that sometimes I show up late for things and sure, it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm feeding, bathing and dressing 3 smaller kids. Be thankful I showed up at all."

Love it.
Clearly you've been getting more than your share of ahem...advice (ask me what i call it when I'm not in mixed company)...from the peanut gallery.

I marvel at the things people say to mothers...really, I do...

Nicola S. said...

Stef, I love the first one.

That's a great list. Most moms know what your talking about. All that "friendly" advise we seem to receive.

Erin said...

So, you don't think being sassy is a quality. Ha!
The first one is a good one. I got that one from a doc once. All 3 of the kids were sick & the doc was asking me about symptoms. She asked if my husband or I had felt sick. I said, I'm not sure - I have felt pretty wiped out - maybe a bit sick - but nothing major. She says, "uh, of course you feel wiped out. You have 3 kids."
Uhhhhhhhh..... Do I? When did that happen? Gosh. Maybe that is why I have felt much more exhausted the last few days. Prior to that I was childless.....

Oh. So, you did know you are driving a mini van. Okay. Cuz, I've been wondering this whole time if you had a clue.

But, something you may not know...
Do you even know how that is happening, when you keep having kids? You do know how it all works, don't you?

Jessica said...

That is pretty funny and true.
The other day at the park I had E playing on the toddler's playground with Stephen sitting down at my feet on one of the platforms. One of the other well-meaning parents had to point out to me that the baby should be on the small playground because it was too dangerous for him up there. Haha...like I was about to let him crawl off the side...that's kinda why I am standing with my feet here. :)
Or the day Sam was swinging E up in the air by his arms and this lady had to come say "no no no! you will hurt his arms!"
Oh well..:)

Stef said...

haha! I'm getting a kick out of all your replies. We Mommies need to stick together :)

Charlotte said...

Stef, this is great! I have thought so many of those things over the years and tried and tried to think of some retort that is graceful yet firm. We are in for the long haul of these type of comments; having been homeschooled, now having larger than normal families and praying that our own children follow in our footsteps, we will probably hear this stuff until we die.

And my pet peeve is when someone thinks I am being unsafe and feels the need to point out that my child could get injured if they fall. Duh. Do you think I don't care about that?!?

Thanks! I truly appreciated these!

Stef said...

yes, I agree. Also, Erin wins the award for thinking of the MOST obvious one... "you DO know how this is happening, right?!" I can't believe I forgot that one.
Kudos Erin.

Gina said...

You so hit the nail on the head! I'll tell ya, I've been feeling this more and more lately--could have something to do with connor being only 3,k sonja having just turned 1 and me being preggers again--it's like *everyone* is on the bandwagon to make obviousl statements to me about my kids or how I got here. John just came out and told someone the other day that we just can't keep our hands off of eachother--I had to laugh! I *know* how it happens, and yes, bigger breaks would be kinda nice, but I trust that God's plan is better than mine. :-) I still want to come up with a good answer to "boy, you have your hands full!". I couldn't have guessed I'd be here, but I wouldn't trade it in for what my life could have been had I not been saved! Our culture is so not kid friendly in too many ways, and it's really sad. But for all the comments I get about my babies and how I raise them (the time I spend, the sacrifices I make, etc) people sure do appreciate my older kids and how well behaved/socialized they are! Funny how that works out. :-)

Charlotte said...

Hey Stef, I wanted to email you and don't have your address. I can't think of any other way to get a hold of you except to leave a comment....could you email me? :-)

joyfulheartsandfaces@gmail.com

Erin said...

Gina,
I just answer "yes I do!" when people say I have my hands full. It's true! I just answer cheerfully. It's not a bad thing to have your hands full!

Stef said...

Yeah, I'm the same as Erin. I typically say "FULL of wonderful!"

Gina said...

Full of wonderful--that's good. I do usually reply with a cheerful "yes I do" but it doesn't seem to convey that what I hsve is good--and having a good witty comment on hand is always nice.

Amber said...

I liked this and since it was a bit sarcastic, I'm going to add a little of my own in regards to this comment...

"Yes, I understand that moving out of state from both our families means my kids cannot see their Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles at a moment's notice. And yet, we seem to be surviving! I guess my kids can thrive away from extended family"

At least you've had 2 visits in less than a year from a certain set of grandparents. We've only had 1 in the last 2 years;) I added my smilely face, so you can't get mad;) ;)

Stef said...

haha! I love how you said you added the smiley so I won't get mad. Sounds like something I'D say ;-)

I am really thankful for the amount of visits we've had from not only family, but our friends. It really has shown us how much we're loved (not that we think the people who haven't visited don't love us) and its really helped Washington feel even more like home, when "old" friends and family come see us here.

We're hoping to come to Lego Land and the SD Zoo, so we'll at least be headed your way!

The Thomas Family said...

This post makes me think about the fact that the wisdom of God is foolishness to men.

Totally relatable post for us moms. you're good at that Stef. Relating.

Carrie said...

I love this! There is a thread similar on a cancer forum called "The stupid thing people say" about the things people say when your child has cancer. For some reason the best comments seem to come from extended family or people at the supermarket. Like when your pushing your clearly old enough to walk child in a stroller because the chemo makes their legs hurt. OH the stares and comments that gets!
I love the you have your handful comment. What are people thinking when they point out that piece of obvious?

Stef said...

Carrie, I think the comments toward a child of mine who has cancer would go much deeper than any of my post did.
Wow! I can't believe people would even go there :(

Sometimes I think people just want to comment on how rare it is to see or how they think your kids are cute... or SOMETHING, but those silly comments come out instead. My all time favorite comment was from a lady I once ran into at Target in CA - she saw me with the kids, shopping for a birthday card for my husband and she stopped and said "are these 3 your kids, or are you babysitting?" I told her they're all mine and she got wide eyed and then said "wow! I'm really impressed. I have to tell you, I am WAY too selfish of a person to do what you're doing."

I wanted to give her a hug for her genuine, raw honesty. :)

Carrie said...

I think most of the people who make offensive comments aren't actually intending to, however, in light of the fact that it still feels offensive, it is great to get to complain a bit. ;-)

The Thomas Family said...

This post makes me think about the fact that the wisdom of God is foolishness to men.

Totally relatable post for us moms. you're good at that Stef. Relating.

Amber said...

I liked this and since it was a bit sarcastic, I'm going to add a little of my own in regards to this comment...

"Yes, I understand that moving out of state from both our families means my kids cannot see their Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles at a moment's notice. And yet, we seem to be surviving! I guess my kids can thrive away from extended family"

At least you've had 2 visits in less than a year from a certain set of grandparents. We've only had 1 in the last 2 years;) I added my smilely face, so you can't get mad;) ;)

Stef said...

haha! I'm getting a kick out of all your replies. We Mommies need to stick together :)

 

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