5.24.2011

how are you?

Its a question I'm getting asked quite often these days. I appreciate the question so much because I know how deep it goes. I understand the look on their faces and the care behind the words, "how are you doing?"
Then on Sunday I realized I haven't really kept things updated on here, as to how I'm doing. So I thought I'd do that now :)

I'm doing really well. Very happy, feeling blessed and also feeling quite back to normal, which is probably the best part. Having a healed up body is something I took for granted. But not so much anymore! I had an ultrasound last week and everything checked out great. Everything has healed up very well since the miscarriage and I want to thank all of you for your prayers and love for us during that time.
We feel incredibly blessed. 
Emotionally, I'm doing well. Yes, I have moments in my days where I feel sad, I remember lost dreams and hopes and plans. One of the girls will ask about the baby in my tummy and I have to explain it to them all over again - watching them deal with the sadness all over again. Rachel tends to forget. So she'll see me sitting on the couch reading and she'll say "are you resting so baby Micah can grow?" and then when I remind her that he's not in my tummy anymore - he's with Jesus, she gets very sad and she tells me how hard it is for her to understand why.
So yeah, when we walk down that road every so often, of course, my heart breaks again into a million little pieces. But after each conversation that brings memories and tears and causes the heartache, I am filled with peace and joy that only God can give. I'm more confident in my hope and joy in Christ than I've ever been before. My walk with God is stronger than its been in a long time. I have renewed strength and and find myself actually uttering words like "oh well... we don't need to worry about that. God has it all under control. Our job is to trust and obey." You can ask Jason - those words may have been sung from my lips or quoted from my mouth before, but never {or rarely} lived in out in such evident ways that even shock me.
I don't want to puff myself up. I hope it doesn't sound like I am. I'm simply showing how going through a deep valley and being brought to a point where I was physically and emotionally so low, God used that to lift me up and to show me how tender and gracious and loving and merciful HE is.
He's taken what can cause some to despair and has used it to completely turn my eyes to Him and to refocus on His promises, His love and His perfect and complete will for my life.
And so though I have moments in some of my days where I let myself go and have a good cry {because it definitely helps} I am completely overwhelmed by God's goodness to me. 

A favorite passage of mine has always been Psalm 19:7-14
When I was 15 I put it to memory and I'm so glad its never left my memory 
{as so many other things have!}
I decided to write it out and I hope you take time to really read it and soak it in; meditate on it. 

"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; 
the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; 
the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; 
the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; 
the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. 
More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; 
sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. 
Who can discern his errors? 
Declare me innocent from hidden faults. 
Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
let them not have dominion over me! 
Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. 
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, 
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."
Psalm 19:7-14

2 {comments}:

funnysunnysarah said...

Read this post for the second or thrid time...I think because I just can relate to it so much,and also it's a helpful reminder...I'm blessed that God bring me these little moments.So amazing to read Psalm 19:7-14...Love resting in God's woRd,gives me peace every time!!! Blessed~

Jason said...

Thanks Sarah :)

 

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