Sitting here...

I'm sitting here, on the edge of my bed, looking at my beautiful baby girl sleeping in her bassinet. She's not in a very deep sleep and keeps making sad faces, followed by small grunts and then little whimpers. She seems to be having some issues with gas or maybe just adjusting to life outside the womb. Whatever it is, it has her very bothered and so, in turn, I'm quite unsettled as well.
You'd think by the time we get to our 3rd child this stuff would be super easy to handle, but I'm struggling with it just as much as I did with Ethan. I hate seeing her uncomfortable and wish I could make it all better.

She's coming on her 4th week of life in the real world and is getting too big, too fast. Jason and I keep commenting that we wish it would all slow down a bit. Feels like she's going to be one year old before we know it. People are always asking us "is she a good baby?" She is a good baby, yes. I'm not sure I'd ever actually verbalize that I have a "bad" baby. Seems like such a strange thing to say. I guess they're more asking if she's easy going. Ethan has (so far) been our most easy going infant. Rachel has (so far) been our most difficult/ high maintenance infant and Kara is somewhere in the middle. Funny thing is, Rachel has ended up being much "easier" of a toddler than Ethan... so they've kind of switched places. :)
Kara is definitely a Mamma's girl and knows when I've left the room. Its amazing how fast they realize where their milk supply comes from! Not to mention she's been with me 24/7 for the past 9+ months.
She is doing pretty well at night. We have a bad night here and there, but for the most part, she's on a nice schedule that I can happily live with. :)
We're just so in love with her. I'm enjoying these baby days so much and soaking them up as much as I can.

I love when she finishes eating and looks up at me with such contentment on her face.
I love when our eyes meet and she stares at me, with a knowing look on her face.
I love when I kiss her cheeks and she arches her head back, letting me know she wants me to keep the kisses coming.
I love seeing Ethan and Rachel learning how to show love and gentleness to their sister; watching them learn how to be more selfless and giving, understanding that she is a baby and needs special care and attention from me. I love how having another baby, brings Jason and I closer together as a team and causes us to not only rely more on each other, but to lean more on Christ, understanding (more than ever) that our strength and grace only comes from Him.

I love the blessing that God gives to us in our kids.

Sure, its not always wonderful, cuddly and glamorous. Actually... being the parents of small kids rarely feels that way. I usually fall into bed at night feeling beaten, worn out, a bit like a failure and wondering "did I pray at all today or did I totally try and take it all on alone?" With that said, its still amazing to me how much of a blessing they really are! How true God's word is when He says in Psalm 127 "Blessed is the man who's quiver is full of them..."
Its amazing to me how He takes a job that often feels thankless and gives us such reward.

Ethan was having major melt downs tonight, acting completely self centered and rude towards Rachel. He ended up losing the privilege to stay up and watch the Baby Einstein DVD and was sent to bed, crying and screaming about how life wasn't fair.
For a brief few minutes I thought about just closing his door and ignoring the attitude, knowing he'd eventually fall asleep and forget about it all... but I quickly felt the Lord's nudging and knew what to do.
I went into his room and after calming him down, we talked about the consequences of his disobedience and how he is choosing to disobey and therefore rightly deserved the punishment coming to him. He didn't agree at first and kept telling me "but I want to watch the movie!", so I had to keep bringing it back to "its not all about what you want."
Just when I felt like he was never going to get it and was feeling so discouraged, he said he understood why he was in bed. He told me he was sorry for being rude and selfish and then asked me to forgive him. I forgave him, hugged him and then reminded him that he still had to take his punishment and he nodded, put his finger in his mouth and wrapped himself up in his blanket. Just before I shut his door, he quietly said "I love you, Mommy."
That was it. That was all I needed. 3 small words that told me I was getting somewhere, I hadn't failed him and his heart had been softened. I stopped at his door and got a slight glimpse of how my Heavenly Father must feel over and over and over with me. Giving me so many chances, always giving me a way out of sin, brining His word and light to my eyes when I need it and yet having to watch me continually forget that He's there. Continually forgetting to stop and say "thank you" and "I love you" and "I need you."
I love how God uses my kids to show me how simple and wonderful His relationship with me is. He reminds me that He is my Father, not my task master. He is my confidant and friend, never wanting to see me fail - but reminding me when I do fall, that He is full of forgiveness and gives peace after true repentance.
This journey called "parenting" is amazing, intense, scary... full of every imaginable emotion. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I sit here amazed that as Sunday ends, I can look forward to Monday and the week that follows. I hope all you Moms have a good week and enjoy the blessings God has given you in your families!