not a post I wanted to write...
We found out last night that at 12 weeks gestation, we've lost our baby :(
I was told to go to the ER last night by my midwife, because I had symptoms that suggested
a possible kidney infection. After several tests, exams and finally an ultrasound, we realized along with a urinary tract infection, we had also lost our baby. The Doctor said it just didn't look like it was a healthy pregnancy from the get go, but that I personally looked very healthy. Basically, "this was a tragic loss, but there's no reason to think you won't have another healthy pregnancy. Sadly, this is very common."
I feel so blessed that God gave us a kind, sweet Doctor. Her bedside manner was very tender and kind.
My brain feels very fuzzy and confused. I understand what's going on, but processing it will take a while. Truly processing it. I think it will be "easier" to process once its over. My personality is very much that way anyway - I tend to process and understand things clearer in the "looking back" phase.
I feel okay today, slight cramps and such, but nothing has really started yet. Please pray for me in that. I'm nervous and scared about the physical part of things. I want to miscarry at home and not have to have a D&C, so please pray for me that it will all happen very naturally.
Jason was able to take the rest of the week off work {or at least work from home if need be} and we have many, many friends offering to bring dinner, baby sit and help where they can. We feel extremely loved and blessed. I want to give public thanks to Jason for his tender love and help to me during my 1st trimester. The way he loved and served our family during those weeks of me being sick and so exhausted were incredible. Coming home after a full day of work, to play with the kids, feed them dinner, give baths and do the bedtime routine all by himself, run loads of laundry, vacuum, etc... it deserves an award, I think.
We had many, many nights, where after I made dinner, I would just go collaps on the couch and be out cold for several hours.
God is so good and He does all things well. I'm thankful He gave us our baby for the 12 weeks He did.
He knows the amount of days each one of us will have and I took so much comfort in that last night - this was not a shock to God. He's been taking care of us and our baby these 12 weeks and His love and care and mercy isn't going anywhere.
Coming home last night and seeing my pregnancy journal I was keeping for this baby and then the book my friend Gina gave me lying next to it, titled Praying Through Your Pregnancy - that was hard.
And yet, I want those things to be reminders of the little life we celebrated for 12 weeks and the baby we will always love, but never get to meet and hold this side of Heaven.
Coming home last night and seeing my pregnancy journal I was keeping for this baby and then the book my friend Gina gave me lying next to it, titled Praying Through Your Pregnancy - that was hard.
And yet, I want those things to be reminders of the little life we celebrated for 12 weeks and the baby we will always love, but never get to meet and hold this side of Heaven.
Thank you for the prayers, love, emails, Facebook notes and phone messages that many of you have already sent our way. We love you all so much. I believe the hardest phone calls were the ones made to the Grandparents.... these are times where the distance is really hard :(
Pray for our kids, please. Ethan especially fully understands this means our baby died and I will not be having a baby in October. I'm thankful Rachel and Kara are young enough that this won't really impact them. They both have already adjusted to the news. Oh, to be 4 and 2 again ;-)
Again, thank you all so much. So many of you have been such testimonies of God's goodness and faithfulness to us. We love you.
Comments
I'm praying! Been there too. May you feel God's all encompassing peace through these next days. Love ya!
xo,
a
I have had two times recently, with not great news, that my pastor randomly called to say we were on his heart. I took that as God saying we would be fine. He finds ways to get you through. I am going to pray that he sends you that thing, whatever it will be, quick.
Elizabeth, your comment brought me to tears. How good God is to bring us into each other's lives at just the right time. This is my 2nd miscarriage as well and I think I have to say, it just gets harder. I was only 4-5 weeks along with my 1st miscarriage and I do believe it was much easier... but its always hard.
Thank you for the verse. I will be praying for you as I have difficult days and remember you in my times of need. I pray God will lift us up and give us opportunities to minister to other women, as you already have to me <3
"When you pass through the waters... they will not sweep over you" Isaiah 43:2
"When you pass through the waters "Deep the waves may be and cold,But Jehovah is our refuge, And His promise is our hold; For the Lord Himself has said it, He, the faithful God and true; "When you come to the waters You will not go down , BUT THROUGH." Seas of sorrow, seas of trial, Bitter anguish, fiercest pain, Rolling surges of temptation sweeping over heart and brain - They will never overflow us For we know His word is true; All His waves and all His billows He will lead us safely THROUGH. Threatening breakers of destruction, Doubt's insidious undertow, Will not sink us, will not drag us Out to ocean depths of Woe; For His promise will sustain us, Praise the Lord, Whose Word is True! We will not go down, or under, For He says, " You will pass THROUGH." Annie Johnson Flint
You are passing through a deep valley but I pray that God will uphold you with His loving, mighty hands!!! Praying for you friend!
It's quite an unpredictable journey- trying to build a family- but such a good and noble one. I know success will reach you soon! xxo
I'm so sorry I didn't know. I'm so very sorry, friend.
The anguish! Oh, the anguish! Only our Lord knows the anguish!